Revenge Isn’t the Answer

So many times life happens to us, and we are forced to choose how we’ll respond.

Someone took the parking space you had been patiently waiting for.

Yelled obesities because you were driving the speed limit.

Wasn’t courteous or helpful at a store.

Took credit for your work.

Laughed at your expense.

It’s easy to want to retaliate, get revenge, hurt them back.

Makes sense. We feel hurt, betrayed, humiliated. Over time those feelings, and people’s memories will fade. But rushing in and retaliating often compounds those feelings by adding guilt and shame that makes moving on harder and can keep us spinning in a never-ending loop of anger and remorse. In the end, revenge won’t make you feel better. It might seem like the logical, even inevitable, next step because it’ll bring relief and satisfaction. But studies show it just fuels and perpetuates negative emotions.

• Decent human beings feel bad when causing someone else distress or pain. Revenge may seem like a great idea in the moment, but long term it’ll weigh on the conscience and become a worse burden.
• It often backfires. If we all demanded an eye for an eye, we’d be blind. And then we may set ourselves up for a feud that can’t be stopped or results in worse harm. How can this help? 
• Life really is too short. Is this the way you want to spend your precious time? Letting the actions or words of another decide how you live it? How can we enjoy, plan and live our lives if we are plotting someone else’s demise?
• Karma.  The concept that what goes around comes around. If you’re a good person, good things will happen to you. Don’t believe in it? Or want to hasten the results along sooner than later? In the end we all choose our actions. But wouldn’t you rather be its friend not foe, just in case?
• Two wrongs really don’t make a right. Nothing will change what that person did. Revenge won’t let you move forward or be the mature adult in the room.

Maturity is when you have the power to destroy someone who did you wrong, but you just breathe, walk away and let life take care of them.

It’s defined in the Cambridge dictionary as:

The quality of being fully developed in personality and emotional behavior and therefore, responsible. A person’s ability to respond to a situation in an age-appropriate manner. For example, an adult wouldn’t throw a temper tantrum or take their ball and walk away from a game if they aren’t getting their way.

Maturity allows us to:

• Establish healthy boundaries.
• Look at situations calmly and maintain emotional control.
• Take responsibility for our actions and change when needed.
• Admit mistakes. Apologize and mean it.
• Listen to others’ views and disagree respectfully.
• Accept the truth.
• Feel confident and comfortable in who we are.

Maturity allows us to feel calm and patient. Understanding progress takes time. And no amount of frustration, anger, yelling, prodding or demanding will change that. It gives us patience so we don’t rush into a situation or say something we may regret. It allows us to get out of our own way, think before we act and stop self-defeating behaviors.

This is how we move forward and stop stumbling on unwanted baggage.