Worry is like a rocking chair.
It’ll give you something to do.
But won’t get you anywhere.
I saw this saying on a friend’s wall and it resonated.
How often do we anticipate issues, worry about what may happen and agonize over the endless possibilities? For most of us the answer is, all the time.
Worry is a normal emotion.
We all worry about,
Unpaid bills
Upcoming life events- marriage, kids, moving to a new city. . .
A job interview
First date
But normal worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable. When all you can think of are the “what-if” and worst case scenarios, to the point it takes a toll on your physical and mental well being by:
- Interfering with sleep
- Causing pain e.g. headaches, muscle cramps, stomach upset
- Poor concentration
- Irritability
- Impacting job performance
Then it’s time to reassess and learn better ways to deal with the worries life throws at us.
Set aside “worry time”
It’s impossible to stop worrying. In fact every time we try, it just forces us to focus on the very issues we are trying to avoid. Make a time every day to think about each concern, catastrophizing every possibility and outcome to your hearts content.
Then let it go.
Have a new worry during the day? Write it down and don’t think about it again until your worry time. That way you acknowledged the problem and can feel confident it’ll be dealt with later.
Challenge each worry
Most problems are not all or nothing. If the worst happens, there’s usually a gray zone. Stop thinking of worries as black or white.
Ask yourself- is worrying helping? If not, stop. All you’re doing is wasting precious time spinning your wheels.
Are you scared? Decide if the fear is real. If not, move forward armed with this knowledge.
What would you tell a friend if they had this worry?
Is there a more positive way to look at the situation?
Instead of,
“Here’s another job I’m just going to lose.”
change to,
“This new job brings new opportunities.”
Stop overgeneralizing
Just because there was a bad outcome in the past doesn’t mean it won’t be different in the future.
Sometimes we get into patterns and habits we don’t even realize we’ve established. Assuming everything will fall apart at the first sign of trouble. Learn to see these worries for what they are- irrational fears that only breed pessimism.
Stop hearing them as facts and change them to a hypothesis.
“What is the best and worst thing that can happen if this is true?”
Filter out the negatives and add in the positive
“I lost the job so no one will want to hire me.”
“I missed the question on a test so I must be stupid.”
“I did well on the presentation, but that was just dumb luck.”
Look at each assumptions honestly, realistically.
Stop assuming
We can’t read each others minds. Believing a reality that may not exist,
“She must think I’m stupid.”
“I just know something bad will happen.”
Keeps us overwhelmed and beaten.
Shut down shoulda, coulda, woulda
Nothing ever comes from beating yourself up. Didn’t handle a scenario well? Decide what you need to change in the future and move on.
Taking responsibility where none exists
“I should have anticipated a deer would jump into the middle of the road, causing an accident.”
For many, worries are due to fear of the unknown
What we can’t control scares us.
Break it down into its parts. What is the probability it will actually come true?
If low, what are the more likely outcomes?
Labels rarely help
Either they’re too hard to maintain,
“Everyone expects me to do great things, I don’t want to be a failure.”
Or
“I never do anything right, I’ll always be a failure.”
It’s never all or nothing. Be proud of attributes that help you to succeed. Honestly assess ones that impede success and find ways to change and improve those.
Life is about adapting, growing and learning.
Interrupt the cycle
Take a walk, socialize, exercise, talk to a friend, play with your children, cuddle your pets, watch a funny movie.
Worrying rarely leads to a solution
Approach your worry head on.
Is it real?
How can I make the situation better?
Sometimes we’re overwhelmed by the seeming enormity of an issue. Breaking our worries into individual, smaller sized issues makes them easier to tackle.
Problem solve concrete steps that can be done to move forward.
Prepare, do what you can, then let it go.
As the serenity quote says so well,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
